Maple-Walnut Oatmeal Scones and the Dos & Don’ts of Sledding in Prospect Park

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DO:  Arrive at Prospect Park’s most prime sledding hill one and a half hours before school lets out.

DON’T:  Use the center of the sledding path to walk back up the hill.  That’s sledding 101.

DO:  Allow rosy faced cherubs a full 30 second window to build their nerve – before you cut ahead of them.

DON’T:  Stare oddly at the only couple of thirty-somethings who are there, sans children.

DO:  Choose one of the other 28 acres of park land to build your Park Slope snowperson with your home schoolers.  The foot of the most prime sledding hill is likely not a smart choice.

DON’T:  Purposely steer into 8 year olds who have not yet learned to immediately vacate the foot of the hill at the end of the ride.

DO:  Purposely steer into the Park Slope snowperson.

DON’T:  Wear too many layers.  Using muscles you haven’t needed since grade school makes you sweat.  A lot.

DO:  Make a batch of Maple-Walnut Oatmeal Scones to enjoy with a pot of Darjeeling tea when you return from your adventure.  If you are able to adhere to the above mentioned rules, I may just make a batch for you.

Continue reading Maple-Walnut Oatmeal Scones and the Dos & Don’ts of Sledding in Prospect Park

Chocolate Fondue [Redacted]

Apparently, when you mention a certain young starlet in the title of a blog post, little food blogs like this one garner quite a bit of traffic.  Unfortunately,  its the ‘inundated with comments featuring XXX pingbacks and porno links’ kind of traffic.  So as not to allow the insidious internet autobots to interfere with your enjoyment of this delicious fondue, I present you with a slightly modified post, with names retracted to protect the not-so-innocent.
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This just in: Chocolate fondue is ridiculously easy to make.

As in: Weeknight easy. As in: You won’t be away from your guests for very long easy. As in: You can dip practically anything into it easy. (Which kind of makes it [insert starlet’s name here] easy.)

Continue reading Chocolate Fondue [Redacted]

A Recipe for Seduction – Kitty’s Lobster Carbonara

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When I first met my husband, he owned a half set of pans, and two cookbooks. The first cookbook was called “Are You Hungry Tonight? Elvis Presley’s Favorite Recipes”. The second was called “Cook Your Way Into Her Pants!”

Cook Your Way Into Her Pants! With an exclamation point. I’m serious.

Amidst the gratuitous bikini shots of the female model, credited only as “Z” (who is kind of a Cleveland Brown, as my husband would say), the author, Ted Taylor, takes us through his time-tested “hottie-scoring” kitchen techniques, such as: Disguising heavy cream in a soy milk carton so she doesn’t know you are cooking her fattening food, Naming whatever sauce you are cooking after the girl in question, as in”this is baked chicken with Shannon sauce”, and, my personal favorite – A recipe for a smoothie that will improve the taste of the male ejaculate. I’m serious.

But I have to be fair. This is actually a fantastic little cookbook. In 65 short pages Ted demystifies roux and stock, simplifies souffles, unpretentiously suggests wine pairings, and seemingly pioneers the molecular gastronomy movement by teaching us how to make liquid nitrogen ice cream (in a book published in 1993!)

Ted, if you are out there, I have my own recipe to add to the “recipes that will get you laid” repertoire. Not only is it quick enough to whip up for a weeknight dinner and completely fattening, but your intended seductee will never know how easy it was to make, as they will be aglitter and aglow at the fact that you made them something as decadent as lobster. Yeah, lobster can do that to a person.

Continue reading A Recipe for Seduction – Kitty’s Lobster Carbonara

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