A Recipe for Seduction – Kitty’s Lobster Carbonara

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When I first met my husband, he owned a half set of pans, and two cookbooks. The first cookbook was called “Are You Hungry Tonight? Elvis Presley’s Favorite Recipes”. The second was called “Cook Your Way Into Her Pants!”

Cook Your Way Into Her Pants! With an exclamation point. I’m serious.

Amidst the gratuitous bikini shots of the female model, credited only as “Z” (who is kind of a Cleveland Brown, as my husband would say), the author, Ted Taylor, takes us through his time-tested “hottie-scoring” kitchen techniques, such as: Disguising heavy cream in a soy milk carton so she doesn’t know you are cooking her fattening food, Naming whatever sauce you are cooking after the girl in question, as in”this is baked chicken with Shannon sauce”, and, my personal favorite – A recipe for a smoothie that will improve the taste of the male ejaculate. I’m serious.

But I have to be fair. This is actually a fantastic little cookbook. In 65 short pages Ted demystifies roux and stock, simplifies souffles, unpretentiously suggests wine pairings, and seemingly pioneers the molecular gastronomy movement by teaching us how to make liquid nitrogen ice cream (in a book published in 1993!)

Ted, if you are out there, I have my own recipe to add to the “recipes that will get you laid” repertoire. Not only is it quick enough to whip up for a weeknight dinner and completely fattening, but your intended seductee will never know how easy it was to make, as they will be aglitter and aglow at the fact that you made them something as decadent as lobster. Yeah, lobster can do that to a person.

 

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**Insert Name Here**’s Lobster Carbonara
serves 2

one 2 – 2.5 pound cooked lobster, w/ meat removed from shell, chopped into generous bite-sized pieces
1/2 pound spaghetti
1 cup heavy cream
2 large eggs
3 ounces pancetta, roughly chopped (sub bacon if you can’t find pancetta)
1/2 small vidalia onion, diced
1/2 cup green peas
kosher salt & fresh ground pepper

The Night Before: Cook the lobster, remove the meat from the shell, and store in the fridge. For a more detailed guide on how to do this, click here.
Thirty minutes before dinner time: Set a large pot of water to boil. Remove the lobster, eggs and cream from the fridge. If the peas are frozen, cover them with hot water. Chop the pancetta and onion. Set the table.
Fifteen minutes before dinner time: Whisk the eggs and cream together in a bowl, season with salt & pepper, and set aside. Drop the spaghetti in the boiling water with a large pinch of kosher salt. In a large sautee pan, cook the pancetta over medium heat in a bit of olive oil for about one minute. Add the onions, and cook until softened. Add the lobster meat and peas, cook for one or two minutes until warmed. Check the spaghetti. If it is done, drain it and keep it warm for a few more minutes. Add the cream mixture to the sauce, making sure the heat is set low to medium. Stir continuously, to prevent the egg from clumping. Cook for about 2 minutes, until the sauce is warm and just starting to thicken. Add the warm spaghetti to the sauce, and toss with tongs until the pasta is thoroughly incorporated. Transfer to pasta bowls and serve immediately.
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If you really want to guarantee carnal success with this recipe, I’d recommend serving with a chilled bottle of champagne, and following with a dessert of chocolate fondue and berries. But that’s just me. My husband could be seduced with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts.

In case any of you were wondering, my husband never once cooked for me when we started dating, so no, he did not resort to the guidance of the aforementioned cookbook. He did, however, take me out for lobster on more than one occasion.

Smart boy.

18 comments to A Recipe for Seduction – Kitty’s Lobster Carbonara

  • Emily Cooks

    Wow! This looks incredibly yummy and decadent.

    Very funny post! You crack me up.

  • Excellent intro. This sounds as sexual as that scene in Flashdance where they’re eating the sexual oysters.

  • This looks amazing. My husband was just asking me last night to make him something with lobster. I am bookmarking this recipe. :)

  • If I didn’t already have a girlfriend, I would totally add this to my date-night dished repetoir. But, since I’ve already got her, she’ll just have to make due with the occassional grilled cheese.

  • Ron

    Excellent post, Kitty. Very funny.

    I never thought to add lobster to a carbonara, now we will try it.

    Very happy to see that you include egg in your carbonara recipe. I see so many recipes for carbonara that only have cream. that’s cream sauce, not carbonara.

  • wow. if i weren’t already married, this would totally have snagged me. Lobster + pancetta + heavy cream = swoon. And look, the peas are right out there – not hidden or anything. This is the polar opposite of what we had for dinner.

    Also, my husband and I had grilled cheese before the pre-marriage private commitment ceremony we had, so it’s not necessarily an unromantic dish!

  • What a fun post! I started reading your blog because your husband and my boyfriend sound SO similar. I have to trick him into eating squash by telling him it’s a pumpkin muffin, etc. To him “pumpkin” means pie — not a squash. Tomato Tomahto. Whatever gets him to eat it. In any case, that cookbook sounds like a complete hoot. I’m going to try and find it on eBay. Also, disguising the milk in the soy carton — hah. Reminds me of when I was married, oh so long ago, to a man who simply could NOT bring himself to leave me even one ounce of milk for my cereal or coffee. He’d swig it daily until it was gone and never gave any thought whatever to whether I’d want just a tablespoon or so for my coffee.

    Enter the soy milk carton. I’d buy it, use it up, and save the carton. Filled it wwith milk and that meant, for a good long while, I’d have neough for the week. Then he got desperate one night and started drinking it. A few days later, he said “you know what, I’m really getting into that soy milk.” Huh? “Yeah, tastes just like regular milk, but so much healthier. I’m sold.”

    Dang it all.

    I then had to go to plan b. Plan B, I’m sorry to whomever is reading this blog — is slightly less pleasant. I started pouring the milk into a glass bottle / pitcher, and added just one or two drops of blue food coloring to it. I then labeled the pitcher “Do not drink. Medicated for my bladder infection.” He never touched the stuff. I eventually divorced him because no girl should have to dye her milk blue for morning coffee, among other reasons. Now I’m with a wonderful boyfriend who won’t touch any kind of milk, soy or dairy, and doesn’t eat his veggies, either.

  • I made shrimp carbonara for Valentine’s Day… big success!

  • […] A Recipe for Seduction – Kitty’s Lobster Carbonara [image] […]

  • And here I thought carbonara was pretty much perfect! Lobster is such a great, easy way to kick it up a notch.

  • Julie D

    OMG! I can’t believe how delicious this looks….if I thought I could deal with cooking lobster I would be making this. Do they ever sell lobster meat already removed from the shell?

  • This looks insanely delish! Thanks Kitty. I’m totally going to make this. Or those fab looking lobster rolls on the “how to kill a lobster” link. I didn’t know you could have them killed before you took them home. I always just said a quick prayer and tossed them in the pot of boiling water. Good to know.

  • Hi Kitty, what great recipe for a Seduction Meal. I just made pasta carbonara but now I’ll have to go back in the kitchen to try this version. Good job and great photo, you can visually taste how special this dish will be.

  • […] 3 Lobster. It’s too messy for the kitchen table and tastes better at a picnic table — you can even cook lobster on the grill. For those of you not in the know, here’s a quick shelling tutorial. And if you’ve got leftovers, how about lobster carbonara? […]

  • […] Hi There!  Did you know that you were visiting My Husband Hates Veggies at our OLD location?  Don&… […]

  • LOL~ this was an awesome post… I may have to try to find that book! :)

  • Cheryll Anderl

    Great information :)

  • That is the most hilarious name for a cookbook I have ever heard. That said–I can see how this dish would succeed in that endeavor!

    We’re collecting sexy recipes for the Shine Supper Club this month, and this dish would make a perfect contribution. I hope you’ll join us!

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